Is it overprotective for parents to clean their children’s rooms? We asked a clinical psychologist!

Many children this age need a space where they can have their own privacy. How would a child feel if their parents cleaned their room without permission? As a parent, if my child’s room is a mess, I feel like I want to clean it… “Tell Me! goo” also received a question from a college student user who was worried about parents cleaning their college son’s room without permission, asking, “What do you think about parents who clean their college son’s room without permission?” Ta. We asked clinical psychologist Michiko Yoshida about the differences between children who don’t like their parents coming into their rooms and those who don’t, and whether it’s overprotective for parents to clean their children’s rooms. I received advice on how to encourage people to clean.

The difference between children who dislike their parents coming into their rooms and children who do not.

It is said that the sense of distance between parents and children generally changes with the age and growth of the child.

The sense of distance between parents and children changes in the following order.

1) Infancy, when parent and child are united
2) From early childhood to early elementary school, where parents can be a safe base for their children and feel safe knowing that they know everything.
3) Middle to upper grades of elementary school, who have their own world and secrets, and whose relationships with friends are more important than their parents.
4) Adolescents (junior high and high school students) who begin to mentally separate from their parents after going through a rebellious period
5) Adolescents gaining independence (from late teens onwards)

It depends on the child’s personality and parent-child relationship, but in general, after adolescence, many children do not want their parents to invade their privacy.” (Yoshida)

I wonder if there are some children who don’t object to their parents coming into their rooms even in their late teens?

Although there are a minority of children, there are such children.The background is that the parent and child have completed their adolescence and are in a parent-child relationship with the sense that they are adults, there is a sense of trust that will not invade their privacy, or for some other reason. This may be because the sense of unity between parent and child continues.” (Mr. Yoshida)

There’s no need to worry too much if your child doesn’t want you in the room.

Is it overprotective for parents to clean their children’s rooms?

Are parents who clean their children’s rooms overprotective? I asked him frankly.

“Depending on the family, there may be different ways of thinking, such as “I won’t intervene no matter how dirty it is,” or “If the child can’t clean up on his own, it’s unavoidable for the parents to support him.” Parents in the latter case are not overprotective.” (Mr. Yoshida)

Children who don’t clean unless you are careful may not have the ability to think about cleaning on their own yet.

“Parents need to provide appropriate support rather than forcing their children to be too independent. If you are concerned about children not cleaning, parents can help by cleaning as part of your support.” (Mr. Yoshida)

Support to promote independence” and “overprotection” are not the same thing. It would be a good idea to keep your room clean according to each household’s policy.

How to encourage children to clean on their own initiative

First of all, why can’t children clean the house on their own?

Children who are at an age where they can’t clean their room can be divided into “children who tend to be perfectionists and will clean and tidy up by themselves when the switch is turned on, but don’t stick to it,” and “children who don’t care if it’s dirty.” Mr.Yoshida)

How do you deal with the former type of child?

It’s a good idea for parents to step in to support their children when their child turns on, and work together to think of a reasonable way to clean up, so that cleaning becomes a daily routine little by little.” (Mr. Yoshida)

 

It seems that there is no point in scolding the latter type of child.

It would be a good idea for parents to support cleaning and let them experience the feeling of feeling good in a clean room and the experience of knowing that their parents are cleaning with unconditional love.” A good parent-child relationship Then, the day will come when the child will realize what their parents have done for them, feel the need for independence, and be grateful to their parents.” (Mr. Yoshida)

Enabling children to clean on their own initiative also seems to be effective.

If you introduce interesting cleaning products or stylish tidying goods, or show information on social media about how children of the same generation are cleaning and tidying up well, children may be inspired.” (Mr. Yoshida)

However, Yoshida says that regardless of the type of child you are, you should teach them the significance of cleaning.

When you become an adult, cleaning and tidying up become a way of life for you. Through cleaning, you learn how to make your room comfortable, how many things you want to own, what you want to spend your money and time on, etc. Try conveying your own thoughts and attitudes to your children. Children will learn from their parents and begin to think about what they want to do themselves.” (Yoshida)

Cleaning can be said to be an action that symbolizes a way of life. Let’s once again explain the significance of cleaning to both children who can clean on their own initiative and those who cannot. It may help you find your own best way to clean and lead a better life.